One Latte, One Moleskine, and My Future

I love the smell of breakfast. The aroma of bacon and espresso beans fill the air, creating a warm, fuzzy feeling of happiness within me. This nostalgic smell takes me back in time to when I was 7 at Walt Disney World, eating an omelet from one of the resort’s breakfast buffets. All the happiness in the world was in me when I took that one bite of omelet. The happiness of my childhood was always a great place to go back to.

It’s my day off and I took some time to wake up early and go get breakfast. Before heading to the old timey cafe, I got ready and decided to wear my new Hunter Wellington rain boots (although the sun was shining and no clouds were in sight). I decided that today was dedicated to me and no one else. I wanted to bring back the happiness that I felt during my childhood. I’m sipping on a latte that has this wonderful design of a leaf floating atop. Java Point Cafe is the name of this small and wonderful cafe. The walls are painted a warm orange and mustard yellow, adorned with paintings from small children to oil paintings of the local scenery. I love spending my mornings like this. Quiet and contemplative, with a Moleskine journal opened to an empty page, waiting for words and sketches that are stirring around in my mind. My mind asks me, “Where do I start?”

This random urge to “Carpe Diem” began with a phone conversation with my boyfriend Daniel. We were talking about careers and my future. Daniel is a finance analyst who for the majority of the time, looks at income statements and assesses the budget that needs to be maintained. I made a sarcastic remark, something along the lines of, “oh wow, I’m gonna be looking at income statements everyday. Woopdeedoo.” At that moment, I felt terrible because I didn’t want him to feel like I was putting his profession down. I didn’t mean for it to come out that way. I was really trying to say is that that type of work isn’t meant for me. Yet, this fall semester, I’m taking accounting and business law. I’m going to school for something that I have little passion for. And although I’m not the only case of someone who’s left their passion for something realistic, I still find myself wondering if what I’m doing is sufficient enough for my life.

I once wrote for free for a published magazine. I would dedicate all of my effort and time into eventually working for this company. The inconsistency of my works would eventually lead me to ending my freelance writing for them. I realized that when I wrote about a subject that I was interested in, I wrote with passion and conviction. And when the subject that I didn’t care for rolled around, you could hear it in my words that I was disinterested and bored. I guess journalism wasn’t my thing. I didn’t want my passion to become a job that I hated because I had to write about things that I wasn’t interested in.

The question for all of us twenty-somethings is, “What do you want to do with your life?” And for many of us, that is one of the hardest questions that we’ll ever have to answer. Do I become a responsible adult and think realistically about my future? Or do I stay as a child in wanderlust, venturing off to fulfill all that I desire in this life?

The harsh reality of bills, rent, necessities for living, the unpredictable economy and scarcity of jobs, the fact that I was born from immigrant parents from the lowest class, and that I had to move out on my own to support myself, have left me skeptical of trying to go for my dreams. But sitting in this cafe, writing out my thoughts and the things that I’m  really passionate about has left me to say that I’ll never know what I really want to do. The only thing that I can say, is that my life is always moving, always changing, for the fulfillment of love and happiness every single moment of my life. I’ve always been taken care of by the universe, and it’s up to me do what I want to do.  If I am in a cubicle, making financial statements or if I’m in a cafe writing a novel, there will always be the quiet times where I can make a plan for myself onto where I want to go next.

*please leave comments and let me know if you’d like to see more of this, I’m trying different types of writings, and I’m hoping to hear some feedback or if you’d like to see more of this! Thanks! xx.